Cops and Robbers (and Great-Grandmas Too!)

My family used to tell crazy stories to my generation (me).

My older aunt (for identity theft risks, I am not going to tell her name here) told us once that one night, a few weeks after her wedding, she and her husband were sleeping and suddenly, a robber came to her house. The robber came in, bumped into the sofa, and awakened my uncle. He decided to scare the robber out of the house. My uncle has a fake rifle and a military suit. He is six foot eight, and even though he is a chef, every stranger thinks he is a general. So he put on the military suit, grabbed the rifle, and sneaked stealthily behind the robber, who was trying to steal their stereo. “Get out of here!” said my uncle in a gruff voice, and pointed the fake rifle toward the robber. He pulled the trigger and a popping noise came out. The robber didn’t wait and he ran away. He even left some stuff that he had robbed from other houses. My uncle still has the rifle.

Another aunt also told us about someone who tried to rob her house. My aunt and her husband have a mute son named Estaban. One night, a robber came to her house and broke a glass of water. My uncle woke up, went out to the hallway, and he yelled out, “Estaban, is that you?” “Yes!” came back a deep, gruff voice. My uncle realized it was a robber, so he grabbed a baseball bat, ran to the living room and clobbered the robber all the way to the police station. Talk about a home run.

My dad told us about our great-grandma. She was a huge woman. Even in her eighties she looked like an oak. She was a crazy woman. She had seven husbands in her life, and every single one of them ran away because she beat the souls out of them. She would chase out little kids like dogs and cats. When she came to the capital, she would pull pranks on people and still get away with it. One day she was trying to ring a bell when a good man came up to her. She asked him, “Can you help me? I need to ring this bell.” He rang the bell and asked, “Now what?” She was already running and saying, “Run, you idiot, run!”


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